Receiving with Humility

A couple of weeks ago I headed off on a boys trip with a bunch of running mates to go and race the Kepler Ultramarathon. I’ll not dwell on the race itself – suffice it to say it was too hot, too steep, and I’m too old and too slow. The story of my life.

But something happened on that lads trip that made me think. My running group is a bunch of similarly sad, old men (I’m actually the oldest, but most of us are within a decade of each other). The one exception is son #1 who is part of this running group by virtue of the fact that, despite him being far younger than us all, his epic race failures give us older blokes plenty of fodder for endless banter at his expense. Age has some benefits.

Anyway, we were out for a beer after the race – a chance to regale anyone who would listen (and plenty who wouldn’t) about just how epic our day had been. Heading to the bar to order a beer, son #1 offered to get this round. A seemingly innocuous gesture, but one which I brushed off as I got out my own credit card to pay.

Chatting about this over a glass or two of wine with friends the other night, one of our neighbours suggested I should do some research into the theory and practice around receiving with humility. Always one for some introspection, I complied. An interesting journey…

You see, it’s not just with my progeny, indeed, I’ve always been the type of person who likes to grab the check first. Whether it’s dinner with friends or coffee with a colleague, like others of my ilk, I prefer to be the one reaching for my wallet before anyone else does. It feels good – it’s a way of showing care, being generous, and if I’m being entirely honest, staying in control. But lately, I’ve been reflecting on this habit and realizing there’s another side to it. For all the satisfaction I get from giving, I’m pretty lousy at receiving.

When someone tries to pay for me or do me a favour, my first reaction is to wave it off. I insist I’ve got it, or I promise to “get the next one.” Even when I do let them go through with it, I feel a little awkward, like I’m breaking an unspoken rule. Why is it so hard to just accept kindness for what it is? This is where my neighbour, with her “receiving with humility” theories comes in.

Looking back, I think a lot of it comes down to independence. Paying for something or handling oneself makes an individual feel self-sufficient, like one don’t need to rely on anyone. On top of that,  many people don’t love the feeling of “owing” someone else. Letting someone treat, forces people to confront something vulnerable in themselves – that sometimes, it’s okay to lean on others.

What I’ve learned is that receiving is an act of humility. It’s not about being weak or dependent; it’s about understanding that relationships aren’t meant to be perfectly balanced. They’re meant to flow naturally, with both people giving and receiving in their own way. When someone does something kind for you, it’s not a transaction. It’s a connection, and by graciously accepting, you allow that connection to deepen.

Of course, receiving isn’t always easy. It’s vulnerable to let someone else take care of you, even in a small way. I’ve had to remind myself that letting others give isn’t a sign of failure – it’s kind fo a way of honouring the relationship. It’s also helpful to shift the focus from how one feels in the moment to how the other person feels. When I pay for a friend, it’s because I genuinely enjoy doing it, and I never want them to feel awkward about it. So why wouldn’t I trust that the same is true when the roles are reversed?

Learning to receive has been a slow process for me. It’s meant pausing when my instinct is to jump in and insist, “I’ve got it.” It’s meant practicing a simple “thank you” instead of rushing to say, “You really didn’t have to!” And it’s meant allowing myself to sit in the discomfort of letting someone else do something kind without immediately plotting how to even the score.

What I’ve discovered is that receiving can be just as rewarding as giving—because it’s not really about you. It’s about letting someone else show care in the way they want to. By accepting with gratitude, you’re not just taking; you’re giving them the chance to express their generosity and feel good about it, too.

So now, when a friend offers to pick up the check or someone helps me out, I try to pause and remind myself: it’s okay to let them. It doesn’t make me any less independent or generous; it makes me human.

And the truth is, it feels kind of nice to let others give. It’s a reminder that relationships aren’t about keeping score—they’re about showing up for each other. For all the times I’ve been the first to pay, there’s someone else who’s felt joy in doing the same for me. It’s a balance, and accepting it with grace is part of what keeps that balance going.

So, if you’re like me and always trying to be the first to reach for the credit card, try letting someone else have their moment. It’s humbling, it’s meaningful, and it’s a quiet reminder that sometimes, the best way to give is simply to receive.